Most people think their values are fixed. You either care about something or you don’t. You were raised that way or you weren’t.
Your values are actually flexible, and they’re always shifting, whether you’re conscious of it or not. Sometimes values evolve gradually. Other times, something cracks them wide open. Values are shaped by experience, influenced by environment, and changed through choice. And if you’re intentional, you can actually upgrade them. Here’s how values shift (and how you can make it happen on purpose).
Cognitive Dissonance
Psychologist Milton Rokeach found that one of the most effective ways to change a value is by facing a contradiction between your beliefs and your behavior. In other words, you experience cognitive dissonance—that uncomfortable feeling of : “I say this is important to me… but I don’t act like it.”
You’ve got two options:
- Change your behavior to match your value.
- Change your value to match your behavior.
Most people take the second route without realizing it. They cut corners, make excuses and slowly chip away at their own integrity. But real growth happens when you :
- confront the dissonance (i.e. the difference between what you say you care about and what you actually do)
- make the small, intentional changes that bring your actions back into alignment with who you want to be.
Post-Traumatic Growth
Sometimes, values don’t shift through reflection—they change because life slams you into a new perspective.
Loss, illness, crisis, parenthood—these major life events can reorder what matters overnight. Suddenly, the stuff you used to chase feels hollow, and things you once overlooked come front and center.
You don’t need trauma to grow. But if you’ve been through something hard, you may recall how quickly your values and priorities rearranged themselves.
Incentives, Influence, and Environment
Charlie Munger said it best: “Show me the incentive and I’ll show you the behavior.”
The rewards and pressures we’re surrounded by also shape what we claim to value, whether we realize it or not. But here’s the trick: Real values stick when they’re chosen freely. Not forced. Not bribed. Not guilted.
So if you want to adopt a new value like health, honesty, or growth? Start small. Let the action build the identity.
Ask yourself:
- When was the last time your values changed?
- What triggered it? What did you do about it?
This article was adapted from “Your Values Guide” by Mark Manson.