In Part I, we’ve seen the definition of core values, and why identifying your core values is an essential condition for a fulfillling life.

In this article, we will look at some practical exercises to help figuring out what your core values are. These exercises can help clarify what we actually value and care about. Our values often get muted or hidden from us by the pressures and expectations put on us by the people around us. So one way to gather clarity is to imagine a life without that expectation and without that pressure.

Mark Manson’s method

The following exercises are suggested by Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck.

The Joy Prompt

1. List 20 things that bring you joy.

   Big or small. Weird or basic. Doesn’t matter. Here are some examples:

   • A long walk without your phone.
   • Working late on a project you actually care about.
   • Coffee alone in the morning.
   • Laughing until your stomach hurts.
   • Building something. Writing something. Fixing something.

2. Look at your list and ask: What values do these things point to ?

   Freedom? Beauty? Growth? Connection? Mastery? Peace?

Frustation as a Clue

Your values aren’t just revealed by what you love. They’re also revealed by what you can’t stand. Sometimes the things that irritate us the most are indicators of our most important values. Here is the drill :

1. List 10 things that frustrate you the most.

   Make it personal. Keep it real. Remember, no one ever has to see this but you. For example:

   • When people interrupt you.
   • When someone’s flaky or doesn’t follow through.
   • When things feel out of your control.
   • When someone lies, brags, steamrolls, or stays shallow.
   • When you waste time or feel disrespected.

2. Ask yourself : What value is being violated here?

   For instance, if laziness in coworkers drives you crazy, you might prize diligence or competence. If dishonesty makes you angry, integrity could be at the heart of your moral compass.

Annoyance, irritation, frustration—these feelings are data. Identifying what frustrates you reveals the values you think are worth protecting.

The Desert Island Experiment

Imagine you are stranded on a desert island all alone, but the island is full of everything you could need or want—total abundance. Not only are your basic needs covered, but you also have access to anything you could want to explore your hobbies and interests, dreams and desires.

1. List the top 3-5 things you would spend most of your time doing.

   Would you read a bunch of books? Watch a bunch of movies? Listen to new music? Work on your favorite hobbies? Write that novel? Write poetry? Build out that business idea? Study astrophysics? Work on those bicep curls?

2. Identify the gap: Compare this to the way you currently spend your time.

   How big of a gap can you identify here? Obviously, there are some things we just have to do in life whether we want to or not. But ideally, you want your real life to reflect this hypothetical life to the greatest extent possible.

The value of this exercise is found in taking away all the outside social pressure to conform to the values of others. It’s just you and you alone. A large gap between your desert island self and your real-life self probably means you’re allowing other people to define your values for you.

Imagine your Funeral

Now let’s take the opposite approach and remove you from the equation. What do you want to be known for? Picture yourself at the end of a long, fulfilling life. A close friend stands up to deliver a speech at your funeral. What do you hope they’ll say about you?

1. Think of three to five words or phrases you’d want to hear.

   For example: “always supportive,” “never afraid to speak the truth,” or “relentlessly curious.”

2. Ask yourself why.

   Each of those phrases hints at a deeper value. “Supportive” might reflect compassion or loyalty. “Honesty” can be about integrity or authenticity.

Schwartz’s Values Wheel

Psychologist Shalom Schwartz conducted cross-cultural research to identify common human values. He found that across many cultures, people consistently mention about ten broad categories of values. These are often visualized in a circular diagram or “Values Wheel,” illustrating how some values are compatible and some are in tension. The ten basic values Schwartz identified are:

• Self-transcendence
  • Benevolence: Preservation and enhancement of the welfare of people with whom one is in frequent personal contact.
  • Universalism: Understanding, appreciation, tolerance, and protection for the welfare of all people and of nature.
• Conservation
  • Conformity: The restraint of actions, inclinations, and impulses that are likely to upset or harm others and violate social expectations or norms (self-discipline, obedience, politeness).
  • Tradition: Respect, commitment, and acceptance of the customs and ideas that traditional culture or religion provides (honoring tradition, cultural or religious norms).
  • Security: Safety, harmony, and stability of society, relationships, and self (valuing social order, stability, and personal and national security).
• Self-enhancement
  • Power: Control or dominance over people and resources (seeking authority, influence, wealth).
  • Achievement: Personal success through demonstrating competence according to social standards (ambition to achieve and be competent).
• Openness to change
  • Stimulation: Excitement, novelty, and challenge in life (a desire for a varied, stimulating life and new experiences).
  • Self-Direction: Independent thought and action, choosing, creating, and exploring (valuing freedom, creativity)
  • Hedonism: Pleasure and sensuous gratification for oneself (seeking enjoyment and indulgence).

Adapted from Schwartz, S. H., Basic Human Values: An Overview. (2006)

In this model, values that sit next to each other share similar motivations and can be pursued together, while values on opposite sides tend to conflict.

For example, stimulation (seeking excitement) and self-Direction (valuing independence) are closely related, as both emphasize openness to change. However, stimulation is directly opposed to security (seeking stability and safety), meaning that situations that encourage excitement often undermine feelings of comfort.

This circular arrangement reveals an important aspect: human values are not just a list, but a system shaped by tensions and alignments, much like colors blending into each other on a color wheel. Values that are closely located to one another reinforce each other. Values that are far away from each other discourage one another. The Values Wheel highlights why we often feel internal conflict: our values themselves conflict. As we will see later on, this is not a bug of human psychology, but a feature.

At the basis of this model are two key value conflicts that take place within us:

• Openness to change vs. conservation : Values that encourage independence, curiosity, and new experiences (self-direction and stimulation) stand in contrast to values that emphasize stability, tradition, and self-restraint (security, conformity, and tradition).
• Self-enhancement vs. self-transcendence : Values centered on personal success and self-interest (power and achievement) conflict with those that prioritize the well-being of others and a broader sense of purpose (universalism and benevolence).

Shalom Schwartz developed two psychological assessments to determine value priorities :

• Schwartz’s Value Survey (SVS)
• Portrait Values Questionnaire (PVQ)

Find your Why — Simon Sinek

In his book Find Your WHY, Simon Sinek introduced a methodology to help individuals discover their core value or purpose.

The Golden Circle

Simon Sinek defined the Golden Circle framework. It explains how individuals build clarity and fulfillment by starting with a core purpose, arguing that you don’t find satisfaction in what you do, but in why you do it. The three layers of the Golden Circle are:

• WHY: Your core purpose. The reason you exist beyond making money. It’s the contribution you make to the lives of others. Why do you get out of bed in the morning?
• HOW: The specific actions you take to realize that Why.
• WHAT: The tangible products or services you sell, or the job you do.

The WHY Discovery Process

It consists in a deep-dive conversation exercise with a partner who acts as an active listener. Here are the main steps :

1. Gather meaningful stories

   Compile at least 10 memories of past experiences. You should select stories that:

   • impacted you the most in your life, the most meaningful stories, that made the biggest differences in your life, where your contribution felt meaningful.
   • focusing on moments you felt at your natural best or the most fulfilled.
   • relates to events that shaped who you are today, that taught you something, or made you proud.
   • relates to the people that are the most influencial in your life. What did they say or do that made such an impact on you?

   Each story must be about a specific time and place, which helps having a strong emotional connection to the story. They can be painful memories or happy moments. The more data, specific details, and quality of the memory the better.

2. Share your stories
   • Find a partner who is a good listener and who you’re comfortable telling your stories.
   • Select 5 or 6 of the stories that made the biggest difference in your life and share them with your partner in as much detail as possible.
   • Focus on the emotion you feel as you tell the story.
   • The partner’s role is crucial: they listen actively, take notes, and ask probing questions to draw out the details.
3. Identify recurring themes
   • The partner examines their notes to identify the main themes, connections, patterns and recurring ideas that run through all the stories.
   • These are not one-off events but a consistent “golden thread”, a contribution that gives you a deep sense of fulfillment. For example, “empowering others to find their voice”.

4. Draft the WHY statement

   Distill the central theme into a single sentence, using the format : To [CONTRIBUTION] so that [IMPACT].

   • Contribution: The action you take. How you show up and contribute to the lives of others.
   • Impact: The result of your contribution. The feeling, state, or outcome others experience because of your action.

Your WHY statement:

• should be simple, clear, actionable, expressed in an affirmative language that resonates with you.
• focuses on the impact you have on others.
• must be relevant in both your personal and professional life.
• is NOT who you aspire to be, it’s who you truly are.

For example: “To challenge the status quo so that people are inspired to think differently about what’s possible.” or “to inspire people to do the thing that inspire them so that, together we can change the world”.

Finding your WHY helps with decision making and finding fulfillment, by giving you the feeling that you are contributing to something bigger than yourself.

Some additional value identification exercises

Answer these questions intuitively; don’t overthink.

1. Think of a time you felt deeply proud, fulfilled, or “in the zone.” What were you doing? What about that experience made it so meaningful? (e.g., Were you solving a hard problem? Helping someone? Creating something beautiful? Leading a team?)
2. Think of a time you felt deeply frustrated, angry, or resentful— perhaps at work, in a relationship, or with society. What was happening? What principle was being violated? (This often points to a value held dear, e.g., injustice violates Fairness, being micromanaged violates Autonomy).
3. What is a character trait or principle that you must uphold to respect yourself? (e.g., “I must keep my word,” points to Integrity. “I must stand up for the little guy,” points to Justice).
4. Look at the people you admire most. What three values do they embody that you aspire to?
5. What is one value you hope people use to describe you when you’re not in the room? (e.g., “She’s so reliable,” = Dependability. “He’s genuinely kind,” = Kindness).

Conclusion

Examine your notes and look for the recurring themes and patterns. Finding your core values requires self-honesty, disciplined work and practice. It’s an on-going process and you won’t nail it perfectly the first time.

​Parts of this article was adapted from “Your Values Guide” by Mark Manson.